Question:
>Jack, I’ve used so much lubricant it’s almost not enjoyable, if you >know what I mean. Still, she splits. >–Brian
Brian, then it sounds like a fragile mucous membrane problem. I had something similar a long time ago. Mine happened to be secondary to an immune system problem (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome), but it can be secondary to a lot of different things. Have her make the appointment. :-) Sheila
Response:
– "Brian" <jbrianchamber…@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:5i8k00521d8f0tuf2a5hdd1bn7cgako504@4ax.com… > We’ve been working on some things and well, without getting into all > of our problems right now, I was wondering if anyone out there had > experience with this. My wife has always complained about it, but > only now am I thinking it’s a bigger deal then I originally did. > Apparently during sex, it’s very common for my wife to split in the > vaginal area. It’s almost not even noticeable but she says it’s > highly uncomfortable. We use various lubricants but it doesn’t seem > to help. Does anyone know what might be causing this? She has a call > into her doctor to deal with this and possible some other things but I > figured I’d bring it here first.
My first thought, like everyone else’s, was lubrication, but you mention you’ve used a variety and it doesn’t seem to help, so I’ll throw out some other possibilities: (a) does your usual method of birth control involve any form of latex or spermicide? (Some women are allergic to one or the other of these) (b) how long are your usual bouts of PIV? If she takes a long time to orgasm, and you (like a good little trooper!) are determined to give her one, it’s quite easy to rub her raw. I don’t care what anyone says about hours-long lovemaking sessions–more than 15 minutes of the old in-out in-out and I pretty much guarantee myself a friction burn. Sometimes it’s worth it, but hey… (c) does she have problems with frequent yeast infections? that can also make the tissues more prone to abrasion burns than usual (d) does this occur no matter what position you try?
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->>> Some women also have problems with lubrication. For some it is cyclical >>> (related to the time of the month), for some it can be a side effect of >>> specific medications, and for some it can be symptom of some underlying >>> problem, such as diabetes or hypertension or even secondary to problems >during >>> childbirth. >>And some women just make very little lubrication even when aroused. So it >>may not be due to a "problem;" lubrication may just need to be supplied. >Well see… that’s a problem. My wife never gets wet. I mean that’s >what were talking about here. She has maybe done so, 3 times in our >entire relationship. These 3 times have occurred when we have either >split up and then got back together or had marital problems. Our >counselor said she’s subconsciously competing. During those times, >sex between us has been incredible. These are the reasons my wife is >considering hormone therapy per her doctors advise. Now, in the >meantime she tears ever so slightly and then she doesn’t want to have >sex again for awhile. In fact, I never recall us ever having sex more >then once in a day. >–Brian
Brian, I’ve wondered before, and now I’ll ask: what are your expectation for frequency of sex? Because I gotta tell you, when I read this last sentence, I squinted up my eyesbrows and said, "Well, DUH. She has had a baby — and now two — for the last 2 or 3 years and working a lot of that time. I can’t believe that "more than once a day" is something that even came out of his mouth… er, fingers!" ;-) Sheila
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Brian <jbrianchamber…@yahoo.com> writes: > On Sun, 18 Jan 2004 16:24:11 GMT, Doug Anderson > <ethelthe…@yahoo.com> wrote: > >whans…@aol.com (WhansaMi) writes: > >> >We’ve been working on some things and well, without getting into all > >> >of our problems right now, I was wondering if anyone out there had > >> >experience with this. My wife has always complained about it, but > >> >only now am I thinking it’s a bigger deal then I originally did. > >> >Apparently during sex, it’s very common for my wife to split in the > >> >vaginal area. It’s almost not even noticeable but she says it’s > >> >highly uncomfortable. We use various lubricants but it doesn’t seem > >> >to help. Does anyone know what might be causing this? She has a call > >> >into her doctor to deal with this and possible some other things but I > >> >figured I’d bring it here first. > >> >–Brian ( a tad bit embarrassed for even talking about this) > >> Brian, the most likely scenerio is that (as you have suggested) she isn’t > >> producing adequate lubrication. This could be because she isn’t sexually > >> aroused at the point where you try to introduce anything into the vagina –and > >> that can include your fingers. Vaginal membranes can stretch, but they can > >> also be torn if it is done too quickly or roughly. > >> Some women also have problems with lubrication. For some it is cyclical > >> (related to the time of the month), for some it can be a side effect of > >> specific medications, and for some it can be symptom of some underlying > >> problem, such as diabetes or hypertension or even secondary to problems during > >> childbirth. > >And some women just make very little lubrication even when aroused. So it > >may not be due to a "problem;" lubrication may just need to be supplied. > Well see… that’s a problem. My wife never gets wet. I mean that’s > what were talking about here. She has maybe done so, 3 times in our > entire relationship.
OK; never and three times are different. Some women really do never get wet (externally) even when aroused. Your wife (it appears) does get wet when aroused, but is just never aroused. > These 3 times have occurred when we have either > split up and then got back together or had marital problems. Our > counselor said she’s subconsciously competing. During those times, > sex between us has been incredible. These are the reasons my wife is > considering hormone therapy per her doctors advise. Now, in the > meantime she tears ever so slightly and then she doesn’t want to have > sex again for awhile.
Well, no kidding; neither would I. > In fact, I never recall us ever having sex more > then once in a day.
Well that isn’t _so_ unusual. How often would you _like_ to have sex?
Response:
"Brian" <jbrianchamber…@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:hgul00dtghfhjgkg3oe7i70dsfhn9kmgrm@4ax.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> On Sun, 18 Jan 2004 21:18:13 GMT, "JWB" > <jwbspamtrapthingee3…@excite.com> wrote: > >"Brian" <jbrianchamber…@yahoo.com> wrote in message > >news:4erl0012tiqm3nhq7u4nmdhv0s85mui662@4ax.com… > >> See the note I posted to Sheila’s response. I’m not even talking > >> about frequency here. I’m just explaining that since she is left > >> feeling so uncomfortable most of the time afterwards…. Oh Doug I > >> don’t know. She doesn’t like sex. She never has. I’m grasping at > >> straws here and I’m getting tired of being the one that acts like this > >> matters in our relationship. She’s the one having problems and I’m > >> being patient and showing interest in it’s resolve. > >That’s partly the issue, Brian. It’s both of your problems. The only reason > >it’s a problem for her is because you want to put your penis in there. > >Otherwise, she doesn’t see it as a problem. > >So, this is a couples problem, not a wife problem with the husband > >"patient". You are obviosuly interested in its resolve for one reason only – > >to get yourself off. > >And, the way I see it, she *knows* you will leave or cheat if for some > >reason this problem has no resolution (and maybe it won’t). No wonder she > >doesn’t get aroused or really want to be with you – she’s broken, and you > >have proven you will leave or cheat if she’s not fixed. You didn’t marry her > >for better or worse, you married her for better or worse, except if the > >vagina is broken. At that point, no matter what else is wonderful about her, > >you will fly. She knows this beyond any doubt. > > If I went around, > >> unable to get an erection, I don’t think it would be long before she > >> started asking some important questions like "Don’t you want to have > >> sex with me? Do you find me attractive?" If I went years without doing > >> anything about it, well then that would say a lot about how important > >> I thought it was. > >What if instead, she had an affair (like you did)? How would that affect > >you? You couldn’t get it up, so she went for a man who could. > >I’m not trying to make you angry (not a hard thing to do, btw 
But if I > >can see your "selfishness" regarding this through text, I’m sure she sees > >it. > Christ, JWB…. that’s not it at all. This isn’t a new problem. This > isn’t something that just came around because I cheated. I didn’t even > have sex with anyone else so please, let’s stop this from sounding > like I did. This is something that’s been going on throughout our > entire relationship.
I know this. And obviously, it’s always been an issue for you. She probably really can’t talk about it because she knows that you really care about her vagina first, and her second. That’s the way you come across here. Sorry. Stop acting like I’m the big bad wolf in this > scenario because it’s not it at all. I’m trying to find out why my > wife isn’t interested in sex.
Because you really want it. That’s the clear reason you want to find this out. You don’t want to find this out to help her have a better life – you want to find out because you want to get laid. > I’m trying to find out why we have no > emotional closeness, no intimacy of any kind. It’s not just about be > "getting off" as you so eloquently put it.
and, in my opinion, the reason for that is because she knows it will always come back to the sex thing. Why be intimate with you when she knows you’re gonna "go for it’? Again, that’s just an opinion – I’m not in your house (thankfully – the kids would drive me nuts). Is any of this an issue if she could never have sex again? What would you do?
Response:
On Sun, 18 Jan 2004 22:33:09 GMT, "Bill in Co." – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -<LostInT…@earthlink.net> wrote: >WhansaMi wrote: >>>> See the note I posted to Sheila’s response. I’m not even talking >>>> about frequency here. I’m just explaining that since she is left >>>> feeling so uncomfortable most of the time afterwards…. Oh Doug I >>>> don’t know. She doesn’t like sex. She never has. I’m grasping at >>>> straws here and I’m getting tired of being the one that acts like this >>>> matters in our relationship. She’s the one having problems and I’m >>>> being patient and showing interest in it’s resolve. >>> That’s partly the issue, Brian. It’s both of your problems. The only reason >>> it’s a problem for her is because you want to put your penis in there. >>> Otherwise, she doesn’t see it as a problem. >>> So, this is a couples problem, not a wife problem with the husband >>> "patient". You are obviosuly interested in its resolve for one reason only – >>> to get yourself off. >>> And, the way I see it, she *knows* you will leave or cheat if for some >>> reason this problem has no resolution (and maybe it won’t). No wonder she >>> doesn’t get aroused or really want to be with you – she’s broken, and you >>> have proven you will leave or cheat if she’s not fixed. You didn’t marry her >>> for better or worse, you married her for better or worse, except if the >>> vagina is broken. At that point, no matter what else is wonderful about her, >>> you will fly. She knows this beyond any doubt. >>> If I went around, >>>> unable to get an erection, I don’t think it would be long before she >>>> started asking some important questions like "Don’t you want to have >>>> sex with me? Do you find me attractive?" If I went years without doing >>>> anything about it, well then that would say a lot about how important >>>> I thought it was. >>> What if instead, she had an affair (like you did)? How would that affect >>> you? You couldn’t get it up, so she went for a man who could. >>> I’m not trying to make you angry (not a hard thing to do, btw But if I >>> can see your "selfishness" regarding this through text, I’m sure she sees >>> it. >> Excellent post, JWB. >> When I read through this thread, the word to came to my mind was "selfish" >> too. I was afraid that this was only because I was a woman, and/or that I >was >> bringing some assumptions in here that weren’t warranted. >> Brian, to give you some explanation as to why that word came to mind, here’s >> an example of what pinged in my head: You said that sex "those three times" >> was "incredible". Yet, if I remember your previous posts, she was not >> orgasmic then — at least not all of those times. Thus, your definition of >> "incredible" only included how *you* percieved the experience — maybe she >> was more active or experimental. But, I couldn’t classify ANY sexual >> experience wherein my partner didn’t have an orgasm as "incredible". I get >> the feeling (as I have in the past) that sex is all about you and your >> experience, not mutuality. Her arousal was great in that *it furthered your >> arousal*, but the fact that she wasn’t orgasmic doesn’t seem to register on >> your radar in the same way. I can’t help but think that she, too, may feel >> that, in your mind, sex is not much more than using her as an instrument of >> masturbation. And, if that instrument is broken, then, yeah, you’re pissed. >> I envision a woman who reluctantly "gives" you sex. I envision a man who >> "wants to have good sex". What I don’t see is a man who is concerned with >the >> fact that his wife isn’t aroused or orgasmic because he’s concerned for >*her*, >> but because he’s concerned for him. >> Sheila >Yeah, but this isn’t a new revelation, is it?
Fuck you, Bill. You’ve never offered any advice of any kind so don’t chime in now. No matter what I post, you can’t wait to jump on me, although you’re too much of a coward to do it yourself. Instead you hind behind some bullshit filter. –Brian
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Doug Anderson wrote: > Brian <jbrianchamber…@yahoo.com> writes: >> On Sun, 18 Jan 2004 16:24:11 GMT, Doug Anderson >> <ethelthe…@yahoo.com> wrote: >>> whans…@aol.com (WhansaMi) writes: >>>>> We’ve been working on some things and well, without getting into all >>>>> of our problems right now, I was wondering if anyone out there had >>>>> experience with this. My wife has always complained about it, but >>>>> only now am I thinking it’s a bigger deal then I originally did. >>>>> Apparently during sex, it’s very common for my wife to split in the >>>>> vaginal area. It’s almost not even noticeable but she says it’s >>>>> highly uncomfortable. We use various lubricants but it doesn’t seem >>>>> to help. Does anyone know what might be causing this? She has a call >>>>> into her doctor to deal with this and possible some other things but I >>>>> figured I’d bring it here first. >>>>> –Brian ( a tad bit embarrassed for even talking about this) >>>> Brian, the most likely scenerio is that (as you have suggested) she isn’t >>>> producing adequate lubrication. This could be because she isn’t sexually >>>> aroused at the point where you try to introduce anything into the vagina >>>> –and that can include your fingers. Vaginal membranes can stretch, but >>>> they can also be torn if it is done too quickly or roughly. >>>> Some women also have problems with lubrication. For some it is cyclical >>>> (related to the time of the month), for some it can be a side effect of >>>> specific medications, and for some it can be symptom of some underlying >>>> problem, such as diabetes or hypertension or even secondary to problems >>>> during childbirth. >>> And some women just make very little lubrication even when aroused. So it >>> may not be due to a "problem;" lubrication may just need to be supplied. >> Well see… that’s a problem. My wife never gets wet. I mean that’s >> what were talking about here. She has maybe done so, 3 times in our >> entire relationship. > OK; never and three times are different. Some women really do never > get wet (externally) even when aroused. Your wife (it appears) does > get wet when aroused, but is just never aroused.
But how do you/we know this for a fact? What source do you have for that assertion? Maybe they just weren’t aroused properly. (It may not be genetic, is what I’m suggesting).
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -WhansaMi wrote: >>> See the note I posted to Sheila’s response. I’m not even talking >>> about frequency here. I’m just explaining that since she is left >>> feeling so uncomfortable most of the time afterwards…. Oh Doug I >>> don’t know. She doesn’t like sex. She never has. I’m grasping at >>> straws here and I’m getting tired of being the one that acts like this >>> matters in our relationship. She’s the one having problems and I’m >>> being patient and showing interest in it’s resolve. >> That’s partly the issue, Brian. It’s both of your problems. The only reason >> it’s a problem for her is because you want to put your penis in there. >> Otherwise, she doesn’t see it as a problem. >> So, this is a couples problem, not a wife problem with the husband >> "patient". You are obviosuly interested in its resolve for one reason only – >> to get yourself off. >> And, the way I see it, she *knows* you will leave or cheat if for some >> reason this problem has no resolution (and maybe it won’t). No wonder she >> doesn’t get aroused or really want to be with you – she’s broken, and you >> have proven you will leave or cheat if she’s not fixed. You didn’t marry her >> for better or worse, you married her for better or worse, except if the >> vagina is broken. At that point, no matter what else is wonderful about her, >> you will fly. She knows this beyond any doubt. >> If I went around, >>> unable to get an erection, I don’t think it would be long before she >>> started asking some important questions like "Don’t you want to have >>> sex with me? Do you find me attractive?" If I went years without doing >>> anything about it, well then that would say a lot about how important >>> I thought it was. >> What if instead, she had an affair (like you did)? How would that affect >> you? You couldn’t get it up, so she went for a man who could. >> I’m not trying to make you angry (not a hard thing to do, btw But if I >> can see your "selfishness" regarding this through text, I’m sure she sees >> it. > Excellent post, JWB. > When I read through this thread, the word to came to my mind was "selfish" > too. I was afraid that this was only because I was a woman, and/or that I was > bringing some assumptions in here that weren’t warranted. > Brian, to give you some explanation as to why that word came to mind, here’s > an example of what pinged in my head: You said that sex "those three times" > was "incredible". Yet, if I remember your previous posts, she was not > orgasmic then — at least not all of those times. Thus, your definition of > "incredible" only included how *you* percieved the experience — maybe she > was more active or experimental. But, I couldn’t classify ANY sexual > experience wherein my partner didn’t have an orgasm as "incredible". I get > the feeling (as I have in the past) that sex is all about you and your > experience, not mutuality. Her arousal was great in that *it furthered your > arousal*, but the fact that she wasn’t orgasmic doesn’t seem to register on > your radar in the same way. I can’t help but think that she, too, may feel > that, in your mind, sex is not much more than using her as an instrument of > masturbation. And, if that instrument is broken, then, yeah, you’re pissed. > I envision a woman who reluctantly "gives" you sex. I envision a man who > "wants to have good sex". What I don’t see is a man who is concerned with the > fact that his wife isn’t aroused or orgasmic because he’s concerned for *her*, > but because he’s concerned for him. > Sheila
Yeah, but this isn’t a new revelation, is it?
Response:
On Sun, 18 Jan 2004 21:18:13 GMT, "JWB" – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -<jwbspamtrapthingee3…@excite.com> wrote: >"Brian" <jbrianchamber…@yahoo.com> wrote in message >news:4erl0012tiqm3nhq7u4nmdhv0s85mui662@4ax.com… >> See the note I posted to Sheila’s response. I’m not even talking >> about frequency here. I’m just explaining that since she is left >> feeling so uncomfortable most of the time afterwards…. Oh Doug I >> don’t know. She doesn’t like sex. She never has. I’m grasping at >> straws here and I’m getting tired of being the one that acts like this >> matters in our relationship. She’s the one having problems and I’m >> being patient and showing interest in it’s resolve. >That’s partly the issue, Brian. It’s both of your problems. The only reason >it’s a problem for her is because you want to put your penis in there. >Otherwise, she doesn’t see it as a problem. >So, this is a couples problem, not a wife problem with the husband >"patient". You are obviosuly interested in its resolve for one reason only – >to get yourself off. >And, the way I see it, she *knows* you will leave or cheat if for some >reason this problem has no resolution (and maybe it won’t). No wonder she >doesn’t get aroused or really want to be with you – she’s broken, and you >have proven you will leave or cheat if she’s not fixed. You didn’t marry her >for better or worse, you married her for better or worse, except if the >vagina is broken. At that point, no matter what else is wonderful about her, >you will fly. She knows this beyond any doubt. > If I went around, >> unable to get an erection, I don’t think it would be long before she >> started asking some important questions like "Don’t you want to have >> sex with me? Do you find me attractive?" If I went years without doing >> anything about it, well then that would say a lot about how important >> I thought it was. >What if instead, she had an affair (like you did)? How would that affect >you? You couldn’t get it up, so she went for a man who could. >I’m not trying to make you angry (not a hard thing to do, btw But if I >can see your "selfishness" regarding this through text, I’m sure she sees >it.
Christ, JWB…. that’s not it at all. This isn’t a new problem. This isn’t something that just came around because I cheated. I didn’t even have sex with anyone else so please, let’s stop this from sounding like I did. This is something that’s been going on throughout our entire relationship. Stop acting like I’m the big bad wolf in this scenario because it’s not it at all. I’m trying to find out why my wife isn’t interested in sex. I’m trying to find out why we have no emotional closeness, no intimacy of any kind. It’s not just about be "getting off" as you so eloquently put it. –Brian
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->> See the note I posted to Sheila’s response. I’m not even talking >> about frequency here. I’m just explaining that since she is left >> feeling so uncomfortable most of the time afterwards…. Oh Doug I >> don’t know. She doesn’t like sex. She never has. I’m grasping at >> straws here and I’m getting tired of being the one that acts like this >> matters in our relationship. She’s the one having problems and I’m >> being patient and showing interest in it’s resolve. >That’s partly the issue, Brian. It’s both of your problems. The only reason >it’s a problem for her is because you want to put your penis in there. >Otherwise, she doesn’t see it as a problem. >So, this is a couples problem, not a wife problem with the husband >"patient". You are obviosuly interested in its resolve for one reason only – >to get yourself off. >And, the way I see it, she *knows* you will leave or cheat if for some >reason this problem has no resolution (and maybe it won’t). No wonder she >doesn’t get aroused or really want to be with you – she’s broken, and you >have proven you will leave or cheat if she’s not fixed. You didn’t marry her >for better or worse, you married her for better or worse, except if the >vagina is broken. At that point, no matter what else is wonderful about her, >you will fly. She knows this beyond any doubt. > If I went around, >> unable to get an erection, I don’t think it would be long before she >> started asking some important questions like "Don’t you want to have >> sex with me? Do you find me attractive?" If I went years without doing >> anything about it, well then that would say a lot about how important >> I thought it was. >What if instead, she had an affair (like you did)? How would that affect >you? You couldn’t get it up, so she went for a man who could. >I’m not trying to make you angry (not a hard thing to do, btw But if I >can see your "selfishness" regarding this through text, I’m sure she sees >it.
Excellent post, JWB. When I read through this thread, the word to came to my mind was "selfish" too. I was afraid that this was only because I was a woman, and/or that I was bringing some assumptions in here that weren’t warranted. Brian, to give you some explanation as to why that word came to mind, here’s an example of what pinged in my head: You said that sex "those three times" was "incredible". Yet, if I remember your previous posts, she was not orgasmic then — at least not all of those times. Thus, your definition of "incredible" only included how *you* percieved the experience — maybe she was more active or experimental. But, I couldn’t classify ANY sexual experience wherein my partner didn’t have an orgasm as "incredible". I get the feeling (as I have in the past) that sex is all about you and your experience, not mutuality. Her arousal was great in that *it furthered your arousal*, but the fact that she wasn’t orgasmic doesn’t seem to register on your radar in the same way. I can’t help but think that she, too, may feel that, in your mind, sex is not much more than using her as an instrument of masturbation. And, if that instrument is broken, then, yeah, you’re pissed. I envision a woman who reluctantly "gives" you sex. I envision a man who "wants to have good sex". What I don’t see is a man who is concerned with the fact that his wife isn’t aroused or orgasmic because he’s concerned for *her*, but because he’s concerned for him. Sheila
Response:
On Sun, 18 Jan 2004 07:26:41 GMT, Doug Anderson <ethelthe…@yahoo.com> wrote: >Brian <jbrianchamber…@yahoo.com> writes: >> We’ve been working on some things and well, without getting into all >> of our problems right now, I was wondering if anyone out there had >> experience with this. My wife has always complained about it, but >> only now am I thinking it’s a bigger deal then I originally did. >I hope the doctor can help your wife with this. For your future reference, >it might be worth you trying to understand why you didn’t take this more >seriously.
I guess taking it seriously was the wrong choice of words. I never knew what I could do about it and she never made that much of it either. It’s only now, after we’ve looked into every nook and cranny (no pun intended). She doesn’t get a gaping rip or anything. It’s just a small irritation that bothers her. She’s always had the problem of not getting arroused and I suppose that’s what has finally prompted the call to the doctor. I believe the next step is hormon therapy. Regardless, whether it’s her own natural lubrication or the store bought varitey, should she still be splitting? –Brian
Response:
"Brian" <jbrianchamber…@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:oi6l00dhugprja9r357k20lmgmfnaqn98l@4ax.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> On Sun, 18 Jan 2004 07:26:41 GMT, Doug Anderson > <ethelthe…@yahoo.com> wrote: > >Brian <jbrianchamber…@yahoo.com> writes: > >> We’ve been working on some things and well, without getting into all > >> of our problems right now, I was wondering if anyone out there had > >> experience with this. My wife has always complained about it, but > >> only now am I thinking it’s a bigger deal then I originally did. > >I hope the doctor can help your wife with this. For your future reference, > >it might be worth you trying to understand why you didn’t take this more > >seriously. > I guess taking it seriously was the wrong choice of words. I never > knew what I could do about it and she never made that much of it > either. It’s only now, after we’ve looked into every nook and cranny > (no pun intended). She doesn’t get a gaping rip or anything. It’s > just a small irritation that bothers her. She’s always had the > problem of not getting arroused and I suppose that’s what has finally > prompted the call to the doctor. I believe the next step is hormon > therapy. Regardless, whether it’s her own natural lubrication or the > store bought varitey, should she still be splitting?
No, she shouldn’t still be "splitting", as you put it. Since you describe it as "almost not even noticeable" I’m assuming that this is an exterior tear. Could it be associated with an old episiotomy?
Response:
On Sun, 18 Jan 2004 10:08:16 -0500, "Joy" – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -<fairly_happy_doesn’t_need_any_more_s…@withoutspamyahoo.com> wrote: >"Brian" <jbrianchamber…@yahoo.com> wrote in message >news:oi6l00dhugprja9r357k20lmgmfnaqn98l@4ax.com… >> On Sun, 18 Jan 2004 07:26:41 GMT, Doug Anderson >> <ethelthe…@yahoo.com> wrote: >> >Brian <jbrianchamber…@yahoo.com> writes: >> >> We’ve been working on some things and well, without getting into all >> >> of our problems right now, I was wondering if anyone out there had >> >> experience with this. My wife has always complained about it, but >> >> only now am I thinking it’s a bigger deal then I originally did. >> >I hope the doctor can help your wife with this. For your future >reference, >> >it might be worth you trying to understand why you didn’t take this more >> >seriously. >> I guess taking it seriously was the wrong choice of words. I never >> knew what I could do about it and she never made that much of it >> either. It’s only now, after we’ve looked into every nook and cranny >> (no pun intended). She doesn’t get a gaping rip or anything. It’s >> just a small irritation that bothers her. She’s always had the >> problem of not getting arroused and I suppose that’s what has finally >> prompted the call to the doctor. I believe the next step is hormon >> therapy. Regardless, whether it’s her own natural lubrication or the >> store bought varitey, should she still be splitting? >No, she shouldn’t still be "splitting", as you put it. Since you describe >it as "almost not even noticeable" I’m assuming that this is an exterior >tear. Could it be associated with an old episiotomy?
It’s a very minor thing, but very sensitive. I’ve never even been able to see it except for maybe once. There is no blood involved so it’s very much on the surface. Still, sometimes the smallest of cuts can be the most painful, especially there. –Brian
Response:
"Brian" <jbrianchamber…@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:4erl0012tiqm3nhq7u4nmdhv0s85mui662@4ax.com… > See the note I posted to Sheila’s response. I’m not even talking > about frequency here. I’m just explaining that since she is left > feeling so uncomfortable most of the time afterwards…. Oh Doug I > don’t know. She doesn’t like sex. She never has. I’m grasping at > straws here and I’m getting tired of being the one that acts like this > matters in our relationship. She’s the one having problems and I’m > being patient and showing interest in it’s resolve.
That’s partly the issue, Brian. It’s both of your problems. The only reason it’s a problem for her is because you want to put your penis in there. Otherwise, she doesn’t see it as a problem. So, this is a couples problem, not a wife problem with the husband "patient". You are obviosuly interested in its resolve for one reason only – to get yourself off. And, the way I see it, she *knows* you will leave or cheat if for some reason this problem has no resolution (and maybe it won’t). No wonder she doesn’t get aroused or really want to be with you – she’s broken, and you have proven you will leave or cheat if she’s not fixed. You didn’t marry her for better or worse, you married her for better or worse, except if the vagina is broken. At that point, no matter what else is wonderful about her, you will fly. She knows this beyond any doubt. If I went around, > unable to get an erection, I don’t think it would be long before she > started asking some important questions like "Don’t you want to have > sex with me? Do you find me attractive?" If I went years without doing > anything about it, well then that would say a lot about how important > I thought it was.
What if instead, she had an affair (like you did)? How would that affect you? You couldn’t get it up, so she went for a man who could. I’m not trying to make you angry (not a hard thing to do, btw But if I can see your "selfishness" regarding this through text, I’m sure she sees it.
Response:
On Sun, 18 Jan 2004 19:54:38 GMT, Doug Anderson – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -<ethelthe…@yahoo.com> wrote: >Brian <jbrianchamber…@yahoo.com> writes: >> On Sun, 18 Jan 2004 16:24:11 GMT, Doug Anderson >> <ethelthe…@yahoo.com> wrote: >> >whans…@aol.com (WhansaMi) writes: >> >> >We’ve been working on some things and well, without getting into all >> >> >of our problems right now, I was wondering if anyone out there had >> >> >experience with this. My wife has always complained about it, but >> >> >only now am I thinking it’s a bigger deal then I originally did. >> >> >Apparently during sex, it’s very common for my wife to split in the >> >> >vaginal area. It’s almost not even noticeable but she says it’s >> >> >highly uncomfortable. We use various lubricants but it doesn’t seem >> >> >to help. Does anyone know what might be causing this? She has a call >> >> >into her doctor to deal with this and possible some other things but I >> >> >figured I’d bring it here first. >> >> >–Brian ( a tad bit embarrassed for even talking about this) >> >> Brian, the most likely scenerio is that (as you have suggested) she isn’t >> >> producing adequate lubrication. This could be because she isn’t sexually >> >> aroused at the point where you try to introduce anything into the vagina –and >> >> that can include your fingers. Vaginal membranes can stretch, but they can >> >> also be torn if it is done too quickly or roughly. >> >> Some women also have problems with lubrication. For some it is cyclical >> >> (related to the time of the month), for some it can be a side effect of >> >> specific medications, and for some it can be symptom of some underlying >> >> problem, such as diabetes or hypertension or even secondary to problems during >> >> childbirth. >> >And some women just make very little lubrication even when aroused. So it >> >may not be due to a "problem;" lubrication may just need to be supplied. >> Well see… that’s a problem. My wife never gets wet. I mean that’s >> what were talking about here. She has maybe done so, 3 times in our >> entire relationship. >OK; never and three times are different. Some women really do never >get wet (externally) even when aroused. Your wife (it appears) does >get wet when aroused, but is just never aroused. >> These 3 times have occurred when we have either >> split up and then got back together or had marital problems. Our >> counselor said she’s subconsciously competing. During those times, >> sex between us has been incredible. These are the reasons my wife is >> considering hormone therapy per her doctors advise. Now, in the >> meantime she tears ever so slightly and then she doesn’t want to have >> sex again for awhile. >Well, no kidding; neither would I. >> In fact, I never recall us ever having sex more >> then once in a day. >Well that isn’t _so_ unusual. How often would you _like_ to have sex?
Doug — See the note I posted to Sheila’s response. I’m not even talking about frequency here. I’m just explaining that since she is left feeling so uncomfortable most of the time afterwards…. Oh Doug I don’t know. She doesn’t like sex. She never has. I’m grasping at straws here and I’m getting tired of being the one that acts like this matters in our relationship. She’s the one having problems and I’m being patient and showing interest in it’s resolve. If I went around, unable to get an erection, I don’t think it would be long before she started asking some important questions like "Don’t you want to have sex with me? Do you find me attractive?" If I went years without doing anything about it, well then that would say a lot about how important I thought it was.
Response:
On 18 Jan 2004 17:42:52 GMT, whans…@aol.com (WhansaMi) wrote: – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->>>> Some women also have problems with lubrication. For some it is cyclical >>>> (related to the time of the month), for some it can be a side effect of >>>> specific medications, and for some it can be symptom of some underlying >>>> problem, such as diabetes or hypertension or even secondary to problems >>during >>>> childbirth. >>>And some women just make very little lubrication even when aroused. So it >>>may not be due to a "problem;" lubrication may just need to be supplied. >>Well see… that’s a problem. My wife never gets wet. I mean that’s >>what were talking about here. She has maybe done so, 3 times in our >>entire relationship. These 3 times have occurred when we have either >>split up and then got back together or had marital problems. Our >>counselor said she’s subconsciously competing. During those times, >>sex between us has been incredible. These are the reasons my wife is >>considering hormone therapy per her doctors advise. Now, in the >>meantime she tears ever so slightly and then she doesn’t want to have >>sex again for awhile. In fact, I never recall us ever having sex more >>then once in a day. >>–Brian >Brian, I’ve wondered before, and now I’ll ask: what are your expectation for >frequency of sex? Because I gotta tell you, when I read this last sentence, I >squinted up my eyesbrows and said, "Well, DUH. She has had a baby — and now >two — for the last 2 or 3 years and working a lot of that time. I can’t >believe that "more than once a day" is something that even came out of his >mouth… er, fingers!" ;-) >Sheila
Sheila — I’m not expecting sex every day, multiple times that day. I was just explaining that we’ve NEVER had sex in one day, more then once. It’s like "there, we did it… now let’s watch television or do something else." She doesn’t like it and I don’t think she ever will. –Brian
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -"DrLith" <drl…@hotmail.com> writes: > — "Brian" <jbrianchamber…@yahoo.com> wrote in message > news:5i8k00521d8f0tuf2a5hdd1bn7cgako504@4ax.com… > > We’ve been working on some things and well, without getting into all > > of our problems right now, I was wondering if anyone out there had > > experience with this. My wife has always complained about it, but > > only now am I thinking it’s a bigger deal then I originally did. > > Apparently during sex, it’s very common for my wife to split in the > > vaginal area. It’s almost not even noticeable but she says it’s > > highly uncomfortable. We use various lubricants but it doesn’t seem > > to help. Does anyone know what might be causing this? She has a call > > into her doctor to deal with this and possible some other things but I > > figured I’d bring it here first. > My first thought, like everyone else’s, was lubrication, but you mention > you’ve used a variety and it doesn’t seem to help, so I’ll throw out some > other possibilities: > (a) does your usual method of birth control involve any form of latex or > spermicide? (Some women are allergic to one or the other of these) > (b) how long are your usual bouts of PIV? If she takes a long time to > orgasm, and you (like a good little trooper!) are determined to give her > one, it’s quite easy to rub her raw.
Right. Good question. Though you’ve missed a chapter here. I believe that she more or less _doesn’t_ have orgasms, which is surely related to another part of the problem. > I don’t care what anyone says about > hours-long lovemaking sessions–more than 15 minutes of the old in-out > in-out and I pretty much guarantee myself a friction burn. Sometimes it’s > worth it, but hey… > (c) does she have problems with frequent yeast infections? that can also > make the tissues more prone to abrasion burns than usual > (d) does this occur no matter what position you try?
Incidentally, my wife has occasionally had what sounds like a very similar problem. But it is only slightly (if at all) associated with intercourse – it seems to be more strongly associated with going to the beach (heat and salt water).
Response:
On Sun, 18 Jan 2004 15:31:59 GMT, cupas…@softhome.net (Jack C – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Lipton) wrote: >Brian wrote: >> It’s a very minor thing, but very sensitive. I’ve never >> even been able to see it except for maybe once. There >> is no blood involved so it’s very much on the surface. >> Still, sometimes the smallest of cuts can be the most >> painful, especially there. >Please put down the baseball bat, I’m going to say something >stupid, here, primarily an effort to garner some laughs. >It sounds almost like she’s getting paper cuts. >If so, she should not be wearing legal briefs. >All right, in all seriousness, it sounds like a pretty damn >annoying irritation and given how women’s moods are usually >far more fragile than a man’s (getting on-task and staying >there seems to be a problem anyway) it wouldn’t take much >to suck all of the joy of the activity out. >Now I’ll dive back to the gutter just to make another >stupid remark: >Have you considered, instead of or before PIV, kissing it >to make it all better? >(I think I can hear incoming…)
Jack, I’ve used so much lubricant it’s almost not enjoyable, if you know what I mean. Still, she splits. –Brian
Response:
On Sun, 18 Jan 2004 16:24:11 GMT, Doug Anderson – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -<ethelthe…@yahoo.com> wrote: >whans…@aol.com (WhansaMi) writes: >> >We’ve been working on some things and well, without getting into all >> >of our problems right now, I was wondering if anyone out there had >> >experience with this. My wife has always complained about it, but >> >only now am I thinking it’s a bigger deal then I originally did. >> >Apparently during sex, it’s very common for my wife to split in the >> >vaginal area. It’s almost not even noticeable but she says it’s >> >highly uncomfortable. We use various lubricants but it doesn’t seem >> >to help. Does anyone know what might be causing this? She has a call >> >into her doctor to deal with this and possible some other things but I >> >figured I’d bring it here first. >> >–Brian ( a tad bit embarrassed for even talking about this) >> Brian, the most likely scenerio is that (as you have suggested) she isn’t >> producing adequate lubrication. This could be because she isn’t sexually >> aroused at the point where you try to introduce anything into the vagina –and >> that can include your fingers. Vaginal membranes can stretch, but they can >> also be torn if it is done too quickly or roughly. >> Some women also have problems with lubrication. For some it is cyclical >> (related to the time of the month), for some it can be a side effect of >> specific medications, and for some it can be symptom of some underlying >> problem, such as diabetes or hypertension or even secondary to problems during >> childbirth. >And some women just make very little lubrication even when aroused. So it >may not be due to a "problem;" lubrication may just need to be supplied.
Well see… that’s a problem. My wife never gets wet. I mean that’s what were talking about here. She has maybe done so, 3 times in our entire relationship. These 3 times have occurred when we have either split up and then got back together or had marital problems. Our counselor said she’s subconsciously competing. During those times, sex between us has been incredible. These are the reasons my wife is considering hormone therapy per her doctors advise. Now, in the meantime she tears ever so slightly and then she doesn’t want to have sex again for awhile. In fact, I never recall us ever having sex more then once in a day. –Brian
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -whans…@aol.com (WhansaMi) writes: > >We’ve been working on some things and well, without getting into all > >of our problems right now, I was wondering if anyone out there had > >experience with this. My wife has always complained about it, but > >only now am I thinking it’s a bigger deal then I originally did. > >Apparently during sex, it’s very common for my wife to split in the > >vaginal area. It’s almost not even noticeable but she says it’s > >highly uncomfortable. We use various lubricants but it doesn’t seem > >to help. Does anyone know what might be causing this? She has a call > >into her doctor to deal with this and possible some other things but I > >figured I’d bring it here first. > >–Brian ( a tad bit embarrassed for even talking about this) > Brian, the most likely scenerio is that (as you have suggested) she isn’t > producing adequate lubrication. This could be because she isn’t sexually > aroused at the point where you try to introduce anything into the vagina –and > that can include your fingers. Vaginal membranes can stretch, but they can > also be torn if it is done too quickly or roughly. > Some women also have problems with lubrication. For some it is cyclical > (related to the time of the month), for some it can be a side effect of > specific medications, and for some it can be symptom of some underlying > problem, such as diabetes or hypertension or even secondary to problems during > childbirth.
And some women just make very little lubrication even when aroused. So it may not be due to a "problem;" lubrication may just need to be supplied.
Response:
Brian wrote: > It’s a very minor thing, but very sensitive. I’ve never > even been able to see it except for maybe once. There > is no blood involved so it’s very much on the surface. > Still, sometimes the smallest of cuts can be the most > painful, especially there.
Please put down the baseball bat, I’m going to say something stupid, here, primarily an effort to garner some laughs. It sounds almost like she’s getting paper cuts. If so, she should not be wearing legal briefs. All right, in all seriousness, it sounds like a pretty damn annoying irritation and given how women’s moods are usually far more fragile than a man’s (getting on-task and staying there seems to be a problem anyway) it wouldn’t take much to suck all of the joy of the activity out. Now I’ll dive back to the gutter just to make another stupid remark: Have you considered, instead of or before PIV, kissing it to make it all better? (I think I can hear incoming…) — Jack C Lipton | cupas…@softhome.net | http://www.asstr.org/~CupaSoup/
Response:
We’ve been working on some things and well, without getting into all of our problems right now, I was wondering if anyone out there had experience with this. My wife has always complained about it, but only now am I thinking it’s a bigger deal then I originally did. Apparently during sex, it’s very common for my wife to split in the vaginal area. It’s almost not even noticeable but she says it’s highly uncomfortable. We use various lubricants but it doesn’t seem to help. Does anyone know what might be causing this? She has a call into her doctor to deal with this and possible some other things but I figured I’d bring it here first. –Brian ( a tad bit embarrassed for even talking about this)
Response:
Brian <jbrianchamber…@yahoo.com> writes: > We’ve been working on some things and well, without getting into all > of our problems right now, I was wondering if anyone out there had > experience with this. My wife has always complained about it, but > only now am I thinking it’s a bigger deal then I originally did.
I hope the doctor can help your wife with this. For your future reference, it might be worth you trying to understand why you didn’t take this more seriously.
Response:
"Brian" <jbrianchamber…@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:5i8k00521d8f0tuf2a5hdd1bn7cgako504@4ax.com… > We’ve been working on some things and well, without getting into all > of our problems right now, I was wondering if anyone out there had > experience with this. My wife has always complained about it, but > only now am I thinking it’s a bigger deal then I originally did. > Apparently during sex, it’s very common for my wife to split in the > vaginal area. It’s almost not even noticeable but she says it’s > highly uncomfortable. We use various lubricants but it doesn’t seem > to help. Does anyone know what might be causing this? She has a call > into her doctor to deal with this and possible some other things but I > figured I’d bring it here first. > –Brian ( a tad bit embarrassed for even talking about this)
Well, unless you have a penis the size of a Louisville Slugger, I would say that the problem is that your wife is not sufficiently aroused prior to intercourse. The vagina has an incredible ability to streach. In fact, in pre-modern-medicine times, midwives would actually "streach" the vagina to accommodate the birth of the baby with out tearing and without incisions. I strongly suspect that you aren’t THAT generously endowed. I think the problem is more psychological than physical. Have you talked to your wife about why she isn’t aroused? sd
Response:
>We’ve been working on some things and well, without getting into all >of our problems right now, I was wondering if anyone out there had >experience with this. My wife has always complained about it, but >only now am I thinking it’s a bigger deal then I originally did. >Apparently during sex, it’s very common for my wife to split in the >vaginal area. It’s almost not even noticeable but she says it’s >highly uncomfortable. We use various lubricants but it doesn’t seem >to help. Does anyone know what might be causing this? She has a call >into her doctor to deal with this and possible some other things but I >figured I’d bring it here first. >–Brian ( a tad bit embarrassed for even talking about this)
Brian, the most likely scenerio is that (as you have suggested) she isn’t producing adequate lubrication. This could be because she isn’t sexually aroused at the point where you try to introduce anything into the vagina –and that can include your fingers. Vaginal membranes can stretch, but they can also be torn if it is done too quickly or roughly. Some women also have problems with lubrication. For some it is cyclical (related to the time of the month), for some it can be a side effect of specific medications, and for some it can be symptom of some underlying problem, such as diabetes or hypertension or even secondary to problems during childbirth. Another possibility is that her mucous membrances throughout her body are fragile, for some reason. Fragile mucous membranes can be a symptom of several diseases, like lupus or rheumatoid arthritis. I’m not trying to scare you. It is *most* likely that it is the first, and that she simply needs more time (and preferably, an orgasm!) before manual or penile intromission, but this could be a symptom of an underlying problem, so she should definitely pursue it with a doctor. Sheila
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